I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
