dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
