mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize