was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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