im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize