we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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