I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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