we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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