I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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