You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
