my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
