whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
