so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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