fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
