I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize