I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
