farters have to be the big spoon...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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