Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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