My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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