All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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