when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
