i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
