i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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