**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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