Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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