i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize