im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
