I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
