dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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