is your mom at the bar?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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