Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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