So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
