I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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