you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
