I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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