so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
