Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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