Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
