hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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