I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My feet surprised me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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