what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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