Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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