I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize