i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
