Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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