Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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