How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
