u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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