dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
