I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
