i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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