Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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