so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
