PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
