get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm too high and old for this...
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