He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
