two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
