i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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