Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
