omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
