My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
