thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
