Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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