you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
