i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's blow job season.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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