if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
