I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
