There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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