ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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