New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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