i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
