I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
