hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
