suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
