i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
