So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
