She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
smell my finger.
No subtext here. People are naked.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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