ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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