Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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