dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
