toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
