It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
