Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
